Feels new.

After so long! My home sweet home has finally got the internet back. It's been so long already now that I noticed. Approximately 1 month. Pfft. It was tough alright.. it's like, my work will never be done.

Hm. Feeling weird blogging right at this time. 11.26pm. A Monday. It's like a whole new thing that I get myself doing.

Should be doing some of my assignments. But I've already gotten everything into place, hence, I decided to spend some time to do my personal stuff... feels so good. So free...

It's been awhile.

But gah, tomorrow will have to study for Pengajian Malaysia a.k.a Sejarah. My god!! Because exam is this Saturday, which is horrible. So miss going out with the people; gossips; movies; or simply having lunch and a drink.

I've been listening to Kings Of Leon album a lot. They're so awesome I get addicted to them so much. Kings Of Leon is so damn different from all of the other rock bands. Particularly "Manhattan" - it rocks my socks off. Apart from them... well, I'm also listening to many other singers. And I actually find that my music taste is so diversified now. I don't really know exactly what genre I love anymore. Music is just awesome. They're free. They're freedom - no right or wrong. No sequence to follow, nor rules. It's all feelings and thoughts. With creativity added on into it.

I wrote this song... now that the video is in progress, I can't wait to dedicate it to him on May. I feel so devastated I wrote that song when he breaks my heart... but he's worth. Regardless. From the day I started off writing, till to date, it's been 3 months or so. Or is it 4 months? Lost count. Now, I'll have to finish it up as soon as I can for May's arrival.

I haven't shop for awhile. But I don't really have to. I got enough clothes... eventhough it never feels enough. I like wearing jeans nowadays. And bf tops... I'm so much more to the rugged direction. Yeah.

Am I babbling here?? Hm.

Oh well. Those assignments. Presentation especially... I find myself loosing confidence in presenting. Have no idea why, actually. Not that I'm doing bad.. it's just the feeling. It's there. Something like a season thing. I used to feel this way last time, back in semester 4 or so. And then it went away eventually. Now that I'm the senior in my last semester, I feel that way again. Weird eh.

Till then. Goodnight world.

Drained. Out.

I'm tired... Emotionally. I want to get away from as many things as possible. 

I'm sick!! =(

I haven't blogged for some time.

And now, I'm down with fever. What the hell... Really hate that sick feeling. It's like shit - sickening. Early in the morning I woke up to get ready for class, I knew something is wrong with me. My body was aching, my eyes were burning, my head was heavy. I actually broke down a little. I know it's stupid, but I thought I couldn't stand that really sick feeling. Then I got sort of the diarrhea thing. Stomach was very upset. Must be the nasi lemak I ate at college the day before... I went to class anyway, just one class. Thank god.

Slept through the whole afternoon. That was nice. Lol. I took this opportunity of getting sick to make myself rest to the max, so that I can get more hands on with many more work there is to come. Because since college started, my engines never really stopped working... sob.

Meanwhile. We're doing ok... had friction though. But it's ok now.

I haven't thought of going shopping for awhile. How surprising! Lol. But, looking at this online boutique with big sale, makes me think of doing some shopping again. Hmm mm mm.

I can't wait to go for volleyball this Sunday! Hehe. Till then.



Ciaoz.

Need ears.

I'm feeling really moody. So lost... as though, there's no fun in my days. I'm trying to figure out, exactly where or what went wrong. It's like, everyday I go to college for classes, I find them so dry and boring. I'm not concentrating... my attention spend is getting shorter and shorter. I don't feel happy going to college. I don't feel lively as I used to be. The minute I step into the classroom, I feel like going home.

Lots of assignments. That's fine. Seriously. I'm used to it already, anyway. But what is making me sick are things like, the waiting, the discussions, the empty results... anything there is to deal with in completing the assignments. We have mouths, but people are just not communicating with people that they work with. People have thoughts and brains, but they don't really make full use of it. People can come up with all sorts of reasons to back things up when they're not completing their jobs completely, then trash their parts to others, and they can get away with it. What are the chances of those who's always helping out with the unfinished parts, when they can actually spend time doing other assignments? And, being capable means the leader-to-be? Being capable means being the one who's always responsible in putting things together? I feel mentally tired already, though I still feel I'm no one to complain about being tired. I'm just a student, how hard are things that I'm doing? Compared to many other people outside... I know my whatsoever stress level is nothing. But yea, I'm complaining.

I'm sorry I'm being rude at times - depending on individuals whom I talked to, depending on how you interpret it. I'm sorry I complain. I'm sorry. But having to do well, I just can't afford to hide all these things and let it be, can I? I've to confront - basically communicate. Regardless what there's I wanna say, I'm really just communicating. No shouting, no voice raising, no judgement.

And to have a partner. I don't see how useful it is. Partners are supposed to share feelings, no matter sad or happy feelings. And you confront each other - at least listen to each other. But I don't get such treatment. I got bitten from the back instead. So much for a partner.

Round up.

I realize that, having the will to do something to make a change - it really will work. And it will work well. After all that we've been through, after so many falls and down sides, things between us finally get back on the right track the right way. FOR REAL this time. And I can't be more glad.

Yesterday - a beautiful Saturday, baby and I spent time together washing his car. I thought it was so fun. We get to do something together, at the same time we can make fun of each other and basically just talking. Too bad I couldn't snap some pictures while we were washing the car... I really would like to keep them. After washing his car, we watched movie together at his place.

Also yesterday, baby had a CNY open house to invite his friends over. After so long we've been together, I found myself really getting along with a lot of his friends, and I was happy doing that. I was talking to them like my own friends; we gambled together and made fun of each other... I did all of that without having baby by my side, as he was entertaining his other friends. I was totally relaxed and felt so free moving around the house, full of his friends that I've seen for so long but barely knew. Yet, I finally opened up myself to mix around with them. It's really a very great achievement for me. And the best part is that, I know baby will be happy seeing me mixing with his friends without him beside me. He is happy. Before yesterday, I did meet up with his friends occasionally, but we didn't really talk... barely. But yesterday's open house really made me so proud of myself, me and baby - somewhat proud or happy about everything. All that we're engaging ourselves in, the direction that we're heading to. It's really all starting to pick up... things are really good.

*

Today, I had a mini open house, and I invited my buddies over. It was fun! We gambled, lost money, won money.. eat, talk and gossip. Was a really good catching-up moment! Then after hanging out at my place, we went to Yippee Cup for a drink. Was supposed to meet up with baby after seeing them, but then he couldn't make it to see me as some last minute family plans came up. Ah, disappointed, but it's fine.. In order to kill time, I went to OU to join the gang. Had dinner at Ajisen Ramen, then walked around the mall. Goddamn it I finally found a dress!! Woohoo! I think it's super nice - from Cotton On. It's just so simple and pretty.. enough said. I'm so satisfied. It costs me RM50... could get cheaper ones, but who cares! I don't! Hehe.

Class starting tomorrow. CNY is over for me. Back to reality people! Go back to school; go back to college; go back to assignments; go back to work. Hmm. Life eh?

Wow. Quite a long post. Peace out.

Jolly!

Yay!!

Lol. I'm just so happy. Beyond happy. As though I'm the happiest person on earth!

Now that we're doing fine again, I've to appreciate everything the right way by doing the right thing.. Am determine! I believe this time, things will REALLY work out between us. I love you baby.

I just invited the gang to my place this Sunday. Really hope they will be able to make it! It's like, my very first time inviting friends over my place for Chinese New Year. Hmm. So come!! The list of people are as follow:

Mandy Tan (and darling)
Christine Ho (And Jackie)
Yeo Yoke Cheng
Loh Voon Hong
Sam Lee (and Anna Lee)
Jaslyn Khew
Joyce Lim

and... did I miss out anyone?? Aiya, you know who you are - high school peeps. Please come ok?? Give me a call or an sms will do. People on the list, please ask others to come (I mean, those whom I miss out, and they belong to the gang).

p/s: Your names are here just so you would get the message repetitively. So you would come! COME! XD

It's like death.

I'm very afraid.

I couldn't sleep the whole night... I really couldn't. My eyes were wide open till the sun raised.

My heart is pounding - stomping so hard against the wall every second.

My palms are sweating. My hands are trembling.

They're so cold...

As though thin air is finding its way into my soul, but it's not getting there. It's not strong enough to fill up my soul. To enable me to breathe properly.

I learnt my lesson. And for real, I'll change for you. I'm changing for you.

I can never afford to lose you... I can't.

Now that we've reached the stake - it's either an up or a down. It feels much more worst than having to decide whether to die or to live.

Can you please come back to me? Baby please come back to me. I love you.

And I know you love me too. You love me...

You love me...

You love me...

I love you.

Reds of CNY!

I here, would like to wish everyone a very Happy Chinese New Year!

Have all the fun you want, get as many 'angpao' as you can, drink all you can, gamble all you can, eat all you can... sleep all you can! And remember to dress up nicely for this very special period of time of the year. Hehe.

I'm kind'a having the CNY mood already. BUT! Sigh.. really packed schedule men. All the assignments must come in at this point of time, and also really rushy duedates. What the hell. But argh, have to bare with it. Must be able to hold up to all of those, in conjunction with CNY where people will be visiting each other. I know, being away to dad's hometown and home visiting will delay my work progress; friends being away will delay all meetings; but still, it's our holiday, we should enjoy to the max - but have to keep track of assignments also. Sigh. I can't believe that I actually have to work on assignments during the holidays!

I can't wait to bloody go shopping. ;)

Zoo Zenture!

8.03pm.

Such an exhausting day. Woke up early to go for 9am class. Then me and a few department heads of 4ward Communications went to Zoo Negara with Ms.Sue for our CSR project thing. We went there for a visit mainly was to ask permission from the zoo whether we can implement our project there or not. Apparently, it was a success. Will only have to clear off some payments to get a confirmed placement.

The zoo was big...so tiring walking around. We had to get ourselves familiarized with the place, and also to take pictures. Made us spent RM20 for the ticket. Sigh. But thank god we can claim back from the treasurer. Lol. So far so good. But well, to visualize things that we have to do is a little tough. Plus, assignments for different subjects are coming in. Hmm. Lots of work to do as time passes! No more lazying around, seriously. Gotta braise myself and to complete tasks regularly.

But for now, I shall go look at magazines. I need entertainment news! Will start work tomorrow. Hehe. Till then.

Cheers.

Insights.

It takes continuos falls for a human to grow. But how many falls can a human take to survive? So what if a human overcomes the pain, but scars will remain. Would a human choose to hold grudges? Or to move on whilst baring the past?

Questions to ponder.