Circles.

I'm glad the event is finally over. Every bit of it. It's all done, and over.

Phew... really a big relief, I've to say.

Also. Throughout this whole semester, I discovered some really weird things.

Maybe I'm just being too sensitive... but I don't know. After all, I just don't belong to some place. Some circles that are available, or that I'm being surrounded by. I find things so cliche these days. People are often being fake. For example, you obviously dislike a person, but you still act friendly and chatty with that person whom you dislike.

People tend to talk about how people do things, and what crappy things they've been doing. But the fact is, they themselves - the ones who're talking about other people, are also doing the exact same thing where he or she talks about on the person whom, all these while, being as crappy as he or she is being said. They tend to forget about the "mirror self" principle.

Sometimes, it feels as though you're a close friend to a group of people. But when fun things come in, do you really get a share of it also? Or simply certain topics that they tell and not tell you about, it feels as though there's a solid wall in between. Like you're somehow not through to them; not through to what they share with you. For example, he or she can be so crazy and out-about with his or her friends. But when he or she faces you, things become a little formal.

Those circle of people... it feels as though you join in just for the sake of socializing. For the sake of getting involved. For the sake of getting a fair share of stuff to play or to talk about. When the fact is, with them, you are sometimes not the real you. Not that you become superficial, but your true personality can't seem to outdo them. Or at least, to be at the same level. Hence, you feel as though you're someone where nobody notice even when you pass them by.

When you're feeling reserved, and then they will come up to you and pasture you to go for some party crashing or beer fest. Now that you get there, yes, you will definitely have fun. But sometimes, occasionally, you find yourself not really able to enjoy totally at the party, particularly with the people that are at the party. It's occasional... The best thing is, you found happening pictures posted up around pages and corners, the "closest" are in there, and then you will wonder - "Oh, ok. I didn't know about this. Not even from you/some of you/you guys." But when you have something interesting on, you would often think of putting them on the main list first.

When things like this occur, from where the problem comes from can be very subjective, I suppose. Depends on how you view it. Depends on how you interpret it. Depends on how you take and feel about it. All I know is, people should be who they are when they are around people. I want to be myself, whenever, and wherever I am. So what if I'm not that crazy? So what if I'm not as loud as you? So what if I'm not as funny as you? So what if I'm not as clingy as some bitch who wants all the attention? So what if I'm silent? So what if I don't get the group to talk? Why not you take all the lights then, what's wrong with that? Just because I'm not all of the above, that means there must be a wall in between?

People always say, the first is always the best. I believe so.

I believe the very first circle you got attached to is the circle where you really belong. You always feel the most comfortable in that circle. You can always be yourself in that circle. You never have to fake...never have to laugh at things that are not even funny...never have to do things that you don't normally do when you're in that circle. You can show your ugliest side, for instance, without putting on make-up - that circle of people still look at you the same without giving whatever comments about you're bare skin. That first circle of people will always put you in their heart, regardless, and you'll definitely be invited to just any occasion. No matter how bad the party suck, as long as you're attending with that circle of people, you will find yourself enjoying to the max. We do very simple things together. They know you. They confront you about everything - there's no wall in between. And we do tell each other sometimes that we love each other, and that we really mean it.

I'm so glad and thankful that I have that circle of people with me, since years ago. And I believe we can stay like how we are now till we get old. I want it that way.