The doomed side.

Sigh.

Recently, having some problems dealing with certain issues while doing group work. And I don't even know exactly what is the problem.. many questions to ponder. The duedate is this Wednesday, and today is already Monday. Oh my god... hope everything will be pulled back together.

In the meantime, I feel so damn sick. Thanks to my fucking ulcer. So big, and the depth of the hole has to be so damn deep it hurts me like hell. I can't even smile! What the hell.

And well, mom has to nag me just about everything. Last time when I talk back, she has to say I got no manners, this and that. Now that she say something, I keep myself quiet all the way and letting her say all she wants to say, she has to say I'm ignoring her, when I'm actually listening. And the worst thing is that, she has to nag me for things that doesn't even matter! Like, for example, I was scooping some dessert off the pot, and just because I didn't scoop it all clean, she nagged me. I just feel like I have to drop my jaws men.. seriously.



Tomorrow is baby and my day. Our 1 year and 3 months together... Well, we can't do much, he can only come over to my place as he has to work. I have things to do in college as well. So sad! Sob. Can't wait though..

One Thursday.

Painting my nails...

I don't have class today. Feels different, because it's been so long I didn't have break in weekdays like this. Have been busy with college stuffs.

I got nothing much to blog about. Just dropping by.

Oh well, there's one. My CEP self-promo pack... I just collected it back last few days. And I got a C for my grade. Great. What to do? I can't do anything but to accept the fact that I got a C for it. Thanks to her, where she has such high, I mean super duper high expectations out of us. "In my eyes, all of you all fail." Oh my god, that's exactly what she said to us, right from her mouth with her stupid British accent! Totally a spirit-breaker men. Of all of us, only 3 of them got B, others are all Cs and Ds. I'm very very grateful I didn't get a D though. Phew..

Ah well, it's over. And I'm happy. My comments behind it is not too bad.. just a little improvement required, as according to her.







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Weekend.

Total camwhore. Lol. Too excited to go out shopping with baby.. while waiting for him to pick me, I camwhored a little with my brand new hair. Hehe.

By the way, went to OU with baby. Finally got the shoes that I wanted! But not in black, white colour instead, as I couldn't find a black pair of pumps. But the one I bought is good enough, and it makes me happy. =)

After shopping, we went to the mamak to meet up with my family for dinner. After eating, baby and I made a trip down to KL Capsquare together with some friends to check out jie's magazine launch - TIS Street Paper Soft Launch. Was so happy that parents let me out so late, hehe. The launching was fine.. But I do realize there are quite a lot of talents in Malaysia that people are not discovering. And from that launch, I found myself liking a Malaysian band called "Oh Chentaku". This band is the best! Nice music and songs, good vocals. But unfortunately, I didn't take any pictures of the place and the stage performances... but I did brought my camera. Crap.

The place was cool... we went upstairs for seats. Baby's parents were there also. Had beer... pretty chilling. Pretty fun.

Baby's buddies

Baby and I. Plus Adrian at the side.


After the launch, we left for pool. But didn't make it because we thought of catching a movie. But still, we didn't make it because the cinema was closed. So we went to the mamak for a drink instead. Was so damn tired and sleepy! Thought I can fall asleep just about anytime...

Went back home about 4am.





I'm now in baby's room, alone. Why? Because baby has to go to see his client, like, a last minute thing. I'll just have to wait for him to come back. I don't know why, but this feels like, I'm baby's wife already. He's off to work, and I'm doing things at home, waiting for him to come back home. Hahah.. ish, what am I talking about men. Ciao for now.

Start new.

Went to Yippee Cup with Mandy and Joanna and Anna earlier to have a drink... Played Jenga, Snap.. laugh over stupid things, talk.. Hmm.

I just got my hair cut today. And I'm happy with it. Lol. But before I actually go to the saloon, I was in dilemma for so damn long men.. I just couldn't decide whether to cut or not. I mean, I wanted to cut my fringe like, short, and it actually covers my eyes. That kind of hairstyle. And was also afraid that the outcome would be so bad and ugly. But because... I've been into really deep shit and confusion just in these 3 days... I feel like I need to refesh myself, seriously. I wanna make myself look new, and start fresh. So I decided to not think so much and just went for the haircut. And the outcome is good! Only if I can dye my hair really brown... but got no money to do so.





I've thrown it away already. Also throwing my new developed habit... for you.



Everything starts new again. Right now.

Trapped in a circle.

Me and you.

We were running in a circle.

And we are still running in that circle.

I wanna get out of this circle... I really want to. When can we actually do that?

A question to ponder? I really hope not.





Or I'll suffocate.

Another down.

Woo! Finally, I got over AM 24 Power Drink presentation. One more down! The preseantation was a really long one. Waited for so damn many hours until my group's turn. It was alright... not perfect, but quite ok. Luckily got no bashing from the lecturer, but more of advices and correction. Yup yup.

Now that I'm so close to the ending of August, I'm getting even closer to my last 2 assignment duedates, which I think it's even better. I wanna finish all really fast! Then I can focus on my revision and exams... really can't wait.

Feel so relaxing right now. I'm not doing work tonight. Yay.. Haha. And I can't wait to see baby later. But argh, gotta go for class in the morning tomorrow, then have to go for a group meeting. But still, I'm so glad tomorrow I only got one class and it's with Ms.May, like her. Lol. Group meeting will be a chilling one also, I guess.

Lose.

I know baby is concern. And he never wants me to end up like him. I totally understand.

I know very clearly what I'm doing. I know. And before I started, I already told myself I carry my on responsibilities, nobody influence me or whatsoever, I myself wanted it. I'm not even addicted. I bought it really just for fun only. I don't even know why, it's just for the fun of it.

You have been doing it, then why can't I? Plus, I'm not gonna be like you. Not at all. It's just for fun, and I know I'm gonna stop. I wanna stop. But you somehow doubt me... which makes me feel really sad. It's like, when I'm with you, I can't face you. I feel like a criminal, and you caught me. You're the closest to me, but I feel that way. Pathetic. Whereas my friends don't do that to me. They are concern too, but they do support me in whatever I do, as long as I know what I'm doing and I think what I'm doing is right.

I know you care so much. But for now, I just wanna do what I'm doing. Is that so hard? Then when I wanna care for you, you have to show me you're angry. And say things as if you've already given up hope on yourself, breaking your promise to me.




I lose hope on you.

Monologues.

Eating some bbq-ed + black pepper sauced chicken. Quite yummy... Lol.

Oh god.

I just feel like, everything is crazy. Assignment shits are coming in, thanks to some people, didn't mean to talk bad, but it's the damn fact.

Don't know why, I'm actually quite glad that my CEP self-promo pack is due tomorrow. I can't wait to hand it up to the office tomorrow right when I sat my foot into Jaya One. I can't wait. Eventhough I know that I'm handing up something that I'm so not sure about, but I don't care anymore. It's my work, my instincts... I can't always do what she wants me to do when the ideas she gave me are not relevant to be used on myself, can I? No way men. And if I hand up tomorrow, it minus a whole lot of pressure on me. That matters most!

Apart from that, my 2 other assignments are due this week too. Really can't wait for this week to be over. After this week, I still have 2 more duedates. What??


By the way. I'm thinking of shopping for my new shoe a lot. Like, keep thinking about it. When when when go shopping?? Eeks.



I wanna have bubble tea.


I wanna have green tea frappucino.


I wanna have... ah. Whatever.

Lost in the blues...

Having chilled strawberry milk... nice.

My assignments are all quite close to the finishing already, so I'm not as busy as before. But well, I feel like... I'm not doing enough for my assignments. I don't feel really confident in getting good grades. Especially the individual self-promo pack for CEP. My ideas are never good enough for Ms.Alicia. I feel really REALLY sad. It's like, I really can't do much anymore, and it's due this coming Tuesday. And still, I'm so not sure of what I've already done.

I've never felt so unsure for so long. But I do feel this way. Right now.

Really wish someone could help me out. But nobody could, because it's MY self-promo pack. It's MY own assignment. And it's definitely MY own responsibility. I, at the same time, don't wanna ask for anyone's help because I want my work to come from me alone.



I need a fag.

So much.

So much have been going on. And right now, it's the end of my holiday already. 12am sharp.

Tomorrow morning will be my very first official day of going to college in Jaya One. Feeling kind'a excited, but crap at the same time because I've a presentation tomorrow. Arghz! But the presentation is some easy ones... should be ok. Lol.




I'm so happy to see baby earlier. And I'm super happy for him that he finally got a job, and he's going under training now. Muaks..

God.. please give me and baby a chance to see each other again tomorrow. Even just for awhile will be good enough.. please please please...





*fingers crossed*